The Great American Privilege

November 4, 2008 – We got up at 6AM, just as planned, to go vote today. We walked, as a family, to our polling place and were in the door at 6:45. The 3 rows of chairs that were awaiting the long lines were quickly filled and were able to stand and sign in at 7AM.

As we looked around the room, some people were getting their ballots and waiting for a booth to open up. Others didn’t bother with a booth. They just dropped to the floor and began filling in circles. Not a very private way to vote, but then it hit me: So what? We live in a country where these people can choose to vote, even forgoing the most private means (the booth) and still feel safe. They have no reason to fear. No one is going to blow them up, or spray them with tear gas. More than likely, even if someone did see their ballot, no one is even going to say anything to them about it.

Because today is the day. We’ve heard the arguments. We’ve even given a few ourselves. But when it all comes down to it, I will defend your right to vote as you choose and I have a feeling that you would also defend my right, even if, no, ESPECIALLY if, we are voting differently. Because that’s how we do things in America. That’s how peaceful democracy works.

Book Review – Eden: A Novel With a Lot of Truth to It by D. Kevin May, PhD

Eden: A Novel with a Lot of Truth to It

by D. Kevin May Ph.D. 

Looking at Kevin May’s website, www.kev.net, I find myself asking this question, “Did Kev May set out to write a book, or did he set out to start a revolution?” This is a story about a carefully planned, seemingly exotic, journey. Kevin recounts his trip throughout Southern Asia and Europe in a language that emphasizes a “us and them” mentality. The contrast of lavish lifestyles against the backdrop of poverty grabs your attention and causes you to feel a bit of self-consciousness, with a shot of righteous indignation.

This story about Daniel, a.k.a. Kevin, is a true-story-blend of fact and unverifiable, admittedly embellished, detail that keeps you guessing. (Imagine if James Fray had been honest with Oprah from the start.) You’ll be so inclined to assess the meaning of every conversation and ruminate every exchange, you’ll put the book down, for a little while, in order to reconcile the words with your own worldview.

There is one rule to reading this book; opening its pages commits you reading every single page. (Well, except the explicit love scene, you can skip those two pages. I did.) Kevin’s writing style isn’t exactly the refined prose you may be used to reading, in fact, he admitted to me that it was dashed off in a matter of only four months. But don’t let that slow you down, the value of the story isn’t diminished by the author’s lack of linguistic precision.

The story calls into question the idea of “coincidence”. It’s filled with stark moments of clarity that slowly and unnoticeably slip into to Daniel’s confusion. Declarations are made with an immediate resolve and then as soon as they are made, they begin to fade so slowly, you barely notice. When you do realize what’s happening, you find yourself wanting to grab Daniel by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. You want to yell “What are you thinking?” Watching helplessly from the sidelines, the suspense keeps you turning the pages.

In the end, the resolutions are made, the sides are chosen and you’re faced with the Truth. The battle between good and evil is very much alive in this day and age and there are those who are out to get you. Let the revolution begin.

You can purchase Kev’s book here.

That’s SO Gay!!

This is a big blog for me. It’s not been brought on by anything done recently, and I’m not sure why it’s time to write it, but when you got it coming out, might as well write it down. Please note, I’m well aware that this stuff is tricky, so please read with eyes and mind full of grace.

In my circles in my life, I generally come across four different categories of people when it comes to the issue of homosexuality. Group 1 says that all “homos” are going to hell and that’s the end of it. Group 2 says that gays can be reformed. Group 3 is Gay Okay! and Group 4 says, let’s just love people and let God do His thing.

I live about 20 miles away from the biggest instigators of the philosophy of Group 1. They hold the domain name godhatesfags . com and are the “funeral protestors” you keep hearing about on national news outlets. They claim to be a Baptist church, but are actually Calvinistic and believe that your fate has been decided for you and that only a small portion of people have been preselected by God to be Christians and get to Heaven. I don’t know what they do with the idea of Freewill, but pretty much everything they espouse blows my mind, so I quit trying to figure them out.

Group 2 is gets a bit of national attention all of their own, but they are often misunderstood and lumped into the same category as Group 1 (unfairly, in my opinion). They beleive that, yes, homosexuality is in fact a sin, but God loves us all anyway, and we all have to get our act together, so they support reformation programs such as Exodus or other support groups. This category includes men and women who are no longer practicing homosexuals. Some have married (heterosexually) and have had children of their own. They consider themselves to have been set free from the grasp of homosexuality and watch themselves, lest they be tempted. I read a book once called “Heaven’s Back Row”. It’s supposed to be about a married pastor and father who is struggling with his homosexuality, but the recurring theme that made me queasy was first and foremost, his infidelity to his wife and secondly his promiscuity. He wasn’t just gay, he got around to boot!

Some in Group 2 also promote the idea of “a gay agenda” like there is some organized group of gays somewhere smoking cigars and taking notes trying to turn us all into “their kind”. Now, I’m speaking from my own experience here, but I’ve never, ever been asked to or been recruited to be gay. (Okay, so a girl asked me to make out with her once, but I was like, “um, no.” and she totally wasn’t offended and as weird as it was, it just wasn’t awkward…) I’ve seen movies and TV shows with gay characters, and while I suppose these could be interpreted as “gay promos”, I thought they were actually more like “understand me, love me, accept me” kind of shows. But then again, I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain. The gay people I know don’t want me either, so I’m just really not sure where this scary”organized agenda” idea comes from. I think it’s this impersonal “they” mentality that keeps a lot of gay people’s hearts closed to considering the Gospel for themselves.

Group 3 is the God loves Gays group. God made them gay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. All the New Testament Bible verses have been mistranslated (that should say “child molester” not “homosexual”) and the Old Testament doesn’t apply anymore anyway (I mean really, who doesn’t love pork chops?), so that doesn’t matter either. So, they live gay, they love gay and they worship God, love Jesus and love themselves. I personally know a couple that falls into this category and I can undeniably say, I think they have truly accepted Jesus as both Lord and Savior and love Him. I would also be willing to say, I can’t see any reason that they would not, in fact, be saved.

Group 4 is the group I consider myself to be a part of. This group either A) has no definitive opinion or B) is keeping their cards close to their chest and nobody knows their opinion. (Although, you may be able to have me figured out by the end of this one) They either believe the same as Group 2 and don’t want to offend gays or those in Group 3, or they believe as Group 3 and don’t want to offend or upset the people in Group 2. (and Group 1 can go sodomize themselves… oh my lame attempts at humor, don’t take me too seriously) Group 4 knows that God loves us all. “Just As I Am” is truly their anthem. Most people in this group know exactly what it is they, themselves, have been saved from. They don’t want to judge other people or get involved where God doesn’t intend for them to be. Group 4 people are generally experienced in ministry and understand that love comes first. They get it that God wants people to love Him. Once God gets a hold of someone, then God convicts people about the sins He wants them to deal with, not the ones I want them to deal with. They relate to the reformed homos in Group 2. They understand what it means to be freed of something burdensome. But on the other hand, they don’t think that Group 3 is going to Hell necessarily either. This group is, in deed, a bunch of saved sinners, still working out their own salvation.

Personally, it’s been my experience that when people change, it’s because God has laid it on their hearts to change*. He not only identifies the area He wants to work on, but He also gives them the tools and conviction to bring about change. If God wants to convict someone from their behavior, whatever that may be, then He has to lead. And I do believe that sometimes, there are other areas of someone’s life that are more pressing and need to be dealt with first and foremost. You never know what God’s going to have someone work on first and more importantly, you never know when someone’s never going to get to the item you would have put on the top of their “to do” list.

*Now, I’m not saying that God will never use you to convict someone of sin. Intervention is occasionally necessary. But Jesus was very clear on this one, He said that when you go to someone, you a) go to them out of love and concern without an attitude of judgement or superiority (that whole plank in your eye thing) and b) you are sure that God has asked you to speak to that person about this issue. There cannot be offense taken when you’ve humbly gone to someone that you love and respect out of concern for their well being. The same cannot be said when you approach someone you barely know or hold up a picket sign or petition.

 

VD – It’s Not Just For Lovers Anymore – 2/11/08

So,yeah, Valentine’s Day is coming and I seriously don’t want to hear one more whiney person talk about “Singles Awareness Day” (ever notice that the acronym is “SAD”?”) Cause I’ve got something to say to you “single” folks out there. And that’s this: Get over it.

I know way too many single gals and fellas that stay single because they are so focused on it. They complain about being single. They rage against Valentine’s Day. Being single becomes their identity. This self pity perpetuates a vicious circle. You’re single, so you’re focused on you, which makes you unappealing, which makes you stay single.

Whatever you do this Thursday, don’t sit at home and have movie night with your single friends talking about how much “Love stinks”. Words are very powerful. Attitudes are too. Don’t keep affirming these mantras, cause they suck the love right out of you.

You see, Valentine’s Day is about LOVE, SO, LOVE somebody. Call your Grandma, babysit for your not-single friends. Buy your nieces and nephews some of those awful pink and red stuffed animals and more chocolate than they can eat in a week. Volunteer at a shelter, or soup kitchen, or political campaign. Do something for someone at church. Get out there and focus on others. When you’re focused on others, you become less self serving and way more attractive.

Take my advice and by this time next year, you’ll be beating off suitors with a stick.

Love Advice from an Expert* 4/1/07

Only three more days until we go on our 10 year anniversary trip and I am SO excited!! My mom will be taking care of the kids here and so far I’ve cleaned our house, grocery shopped, worked on all the laundry and even typed up a Grandma Edition of our Childcare Handbook that we have for our sitter.

All I have left is to finish laundry, go buy a few things to wear on the trip and go back over all the cleaning again to freshen up the house. Then it will be time to PACK!!

SO, in celebration of 10 years of making it work, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share:

When you’re married and you want to stay that way:

1. Always fight fair.

a. Never use the words “you always” or “you never”. Its rarely accurate that someone always or never does something. They can always think of an exception and you won’t win an arguement this way.
b. Don’t talk about eachothers mom/dad/sister/brother etc. ’s flaws when your having a disagreement. Not only will you say something you regret, it doesn’t help your arguement progress to a resolution.

2. Don’t tell your mom/dad/sister/brother/etc. about your disagreements. They are not unbiased. They will take your side, even when you’re wrong. You and your spouse may quickly get over your arguement, but your family doesn’t forget as easily.

3. Communicate your needs to your spouse. Tell him/her how you feel about something and when you need something. He/she can’t read your mind.

4. When your spouse asks you to do something, or points out that they would like you change something, consider it and then give it a try. If it bothered them enough to bring it up, it’s important to them.

5. Read about “Love Languages“. Gary Chapman has written that there are five basic ways people recieve love. You need to know what your spouses love language is in order for them to feel love. For example, my love language is touch and Travis’s is acts of service. So before we discovered this, he was always doing dishes, laundry, or whatever to make me feel loved, but I wasn’t feeling loved cause I just wanted to be hugged and cuddled and kissed. I always tried to express love to him with touches and he wasn’t feeling loved because I rarely did anything for him. Once we got our love languages figured out, he started being more affectionate and I found things to do for him. The emotional aspect of our marriage improved greatly.

6. Last but not least, lower your expectations. As crazy as it sounds, when your expectations are low, you’re rarely disappointed. Now, I have the best husband in the world, but sometimes, I start demanding perfection from him and it is at those times I’m miserable. I have to remember that he’s human. He can only do so much. Nobody’s perfect and there are things that I can just let go.

When you’re not married and you want to get that way:

1. Make a list. List everything you want in a mate. This list will clear things up for you in a hurry. Be willing to do two things: Live up to the list yourself (you can’t have “super sexy bod” on the list if you look like Jared’s “before” photos) Only date people who fit your criteria. That will save you time and heartache.

2. Take the emotion out of it. As unromantic as it may sound, its a good idea to evaluate a person before you become to emotionally attached. (this is the purpose of the list!!)

3. Choose carefully. If you really want a marriage to work, you have to ask yourself if this person is someone you can be with for the rest of you life. Ask yourself if this person will be a good parent to your children. Remember their history will probably repeat itself. If a person is not good to you before you marry them, they won’t magically get better after taking wedding vows.

4. Put your heart into it. Once you’ve evaluated and found someone, give it all you got. Stay faithful, talk about the future, be excited, and most of all, fall in love.